There are moments in time when no matter what is going on in my life, I am fine, I am positive, and I keep moving. Then tonight out of the blue I watch a video of a man getting surprised over his wife's pregnancy and something about the purity of his reaction just hits me and I start bawling. I'm just flooded with the emotion that I so often cage up and all I can think about is how unfair life can be.
My mom, gone at the age of 46 due to cirrhosis of the liver due to alcoholism, has been gone for 14 1/2 years. My older sister age 43 is living with the same disease, although she came about it through her prior drug addition. My younger brother, age 32 is absent from my life as he is hiding his own drug addition. Now my father, who was diagnosed with ALS in November continues to progress at a rate that is downright unfair. I sit here watching the man I so admired and love just fall apart. Just putting on a jacket is at times impossible, he had to quit work a month ago because he had no strength to perform his job, and his voice is incomprehensible most of the time.
My life is not the only one that is unfair. My mother, my sister, my brother all experienced some sort of pain they could not overcome which brought them to where they are today. My sister who has been clean for 10 years now lives with the uncertainty of how much time she has left. My father, who has been nothing less than a kind man who would do anything for anyone, is now lost and soon to be gone from this world forever.
My heart hurts!
This past weekend when I held a family gathering at my home for my father, I learned of more heartbreaking news. My girlfriend lost her brother. This is the second friend of mine to lose a sibling in the past year and a half.
My heart hurts!
How much is a person capable of handling before they break? Because my heart just feels so heavy right now.
